My annual rant on slutty Halloween costumes

I don't get it. Halloween is apparently the one day a year when women want to be slutty. In fact, they want to be slutty so badly, that they will dress up as anything, as long as it is described as slutty. Here are some of the most ridiculous slutty examples I could find:

Slutty Harry Potter. Seems obvious. Want to attract male attention on Halloween with a slutty costume? Dress up as a teenage boy!

Slutty Mental Patient. Sure! What man doesn't love a certifiable chick with nice legs?

Slutty Eskimo. Hey, you live in the freezing cold in Alaska? Don't worry, you too can be slutty for Halloween. A super short skirt is always a good choice.
Slutty Psychotic Killer. There's one way to keep your man in line.


Slutty Nun. Every Catholic schoolboy's fantasy. Right before his real nun teacher spanked him and told him he was going to hell

Slutty Carebear. Way to ruin an innocent childhood toy. (P.S. I think this one wins)


Slutty Hunter. Seriously? We all know what you are hunting for honey

.Slutty Spongebob. There's an obvious connection! Why didn't we think of this one sooner?


Slutty Leprachaun. I don't think it's going to be a pot of gold you get when you catch her.

I guess I will never understand the obsession with slutty Halloween costumes. But they sure make me laugh. Good luck ladies, and I hope you get a lot of candy.

Yeah...

Styled by Bria



Styled by me



I'm tired... Late.

My little girl

She's no longer a little girl. She is growing up to be the kind of girl I prayed and hoped she would become. She is brave, smart, and has the biggest heart of anyone I know.

She is kindhearted, always wanting to help those less fortunate. I remember once her second grade teacher told me that during recess one day, Aimee stopped playing with her friends because one of the handicapped boys was playing by himself. Aimee went over to him, sat on the floor, and made up a game he would be able to understand and played with him. Her teacher started tearing up telling me this story. That's the kind of girl Aimee is.

She recently started playing the saxophone. It makes me so happy to see her finally invested and doing something she is good at and enjoys. She's really good too! She's been playing only two weeks. Her band teacher told her that she was the best in the class. So start asking for her autograph now!

I thank God for bringing her into my life every single day. I love her more than anything, and can't wait to see the woman she will grow up to be.

From my friend Jenna

You can only type ONE Word!

Not as easy as you might think. Copy or forward, change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers. Send it to 7 people including the person that sent it to you. I am very interested in your response.

1. Where is your cell phone? attached

2. Where is your significant other? dreams

3. Your hair? hot

4. Your mother? supportive

5. Your father? smart

6. Your favorite thing? Aimee

7. Your dream last night? short

8. Your dream/ goal? happiness

9. The room you're in? only

10. Your hobby? shopping

11. Your fear? dying

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? married

13. Where were you last night? bed

14. What you're not? settler

16. One of your wish list items? shoes

17. Where you grew up? here

18. The last thing you did? played

19. What are you wearing? P.J.'s

21. Your TV? big

21. Your Pet? lovey

22. Your computer? slow

24. Your mood? sad

25. Missing someone? tons

26. Your car? dirty

27. Something you're not wearing? gown

28. Favorite store? H&M

29. Your summer? short

30. Love someone? tons

31. Your favorite color? sparkly

32. When is the last time you laughed? dinner

33. Last time you cried? now

34. Who will resend this? Bonnie

And also I want these shoes

Why is karma so slow?

Sometimes it is so hard to realize that being a good person and doing the right this will pay off. Especially when I see people who are so mean and selfish and vindictive and cruel getting the good things in life. And pointing fingers at me for being the bad person. I'm trying so hard to develop the SIU attitude and look at what's really important in the big picture, but it's so so so so so hard. Especially when we have to keep dealing with it every day. So I need prayers or good vibes or whatever that 1. he becomes a better person and 2. I can wait that long.

My TiVo list...for Melodie

Since we haven't been able to talk about it in a while.

1. Monk (obviously numero uno)
2. Grey's Anatomy
   
3. Lost
4. Project Runway
5. Psych (Have you ever seen a very attractive man solve a crime, I ask you)
   
6. Desperate Housewives
7. Kyle XY
8. House (I want to marry Dr. House a little bit)
9. Private Practice
10. The Office
    
11. Without a Trace
12. Lipstick Jungle (Though I've only actually watched one episode ever)
13. 90210 ( I had to)
14. Cold Case
15. SNL
16. Pushing Daisies (I kind of want to be Chuck. Except not dead)
17. Law & Order
18. Law & Order: SVU
19. Law & Order: CI
20. CSI
21. CSI: Miami (And I think of you all the time when the theme song comes on)
22. The Big Bang Theory (Dorks=Hot)
23. Raising the Bar (I've never seen it, but I had/have a crush on Zach Morris)
24. Tim Gunn's Guide to Style
25. What Not To Wear (Obvs)
26. Dirty Sexy Money
27. Beauty and the Geek (Though I'm not sure this show's even on anymore)
28. The Millionaire Matchmaker (I want to be on this show)
29. Miss Guided
30. Cashmere Mafia
31. Side Order of Life (Again, not sure if this show's coming back)
32. Fear Itself (which, ironically enough, has absolutely nothing to do with fear)
33. Shear Genius
34. Wizards of Waverly Place (Not mine, I swear)
35. Cory in the House (Again...)
36. That's So Raven (Shut up)
37. Baby Looney Toons (Haha...this part of the list is kind of funny, especially after I just ragged on Spongebob boy/man)
38. In Plain Sight
39. The Secret Life of the American Teenager
40. Hannah Montana
41. Disney Channel Games
42. Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream

Now the making fun of me for having no life outside TiVo can begin...

Speed dating real date number 1

So I went on the first date from speed dating. Never once have I thought, "Gee...dating adults is boring, I wonder what it would be like to date a frat boy." Everything, from the comic book tattoo to the conversation revolving around his love for Spongebob to the fact that he lives with three guys like a frat boy, helped me to decide that from now on, I am only dating grownups who act like grownups.

Louie

Yes, he's a boy. He just likes pink blankets.

Spending money the day I get paid

On these hot Michael Kors shoes.
It would probably be better to pay my rent. But my rent doesn't look so hot on my feet.

Speed Dating...

Yes...Liz and I did it again.
It was actually kind of sad...there were a few...special...men there. Let's review them all.

• 1: a teacher. Alright. I spent most of the six minutes talking about how he'd be good for Liz. Then he picks me...
• 2: Boring. I don't remember anything else. All I wrote was boring. Maybe I fell asleep.
• 3: I liked this guy. We talked about data and research. Which...as it turned out...is not a very good first six minute date conversation, because I think I bored him to sleep.
• 4: Had a British accent. I don't think I actually listened to anything he said, just the sexy way in which he spoke...mmmmm...Mr. Darcy...
• 5: Poor poor number 5. I can't remember why though. Oh yes I can. Sad news. And, in the six minute date, he specifically said he does not want to date someone with kids, then went on to tell me stories of rejecting chicks with kids. Later, he picked me and said he could learn to "deal with my kid." No, I'm not joking.
  
• 6: Ok...I kind of liked the military guy. You can punch me now. Please.
• 7: Our local celebrity, reserved for Liz
• 8: Dumb, dumb, dumb. I even made up a song for him. It goes dum, dum, dum, dumb, dumbdumddumbdumb... Plus he didn't know how old his kid was.
  
• 9: The truck driving chipmunk. I don't think he got the "I didn't pick you, thus I'm not interested" hint, as he's emailed me fiddy times already.
• 10: Motocross guy. Probably just good for one thing...
• 11: I think this guy was on drugs. Seriously. No, for reals.

Lesson learned, even the "best" in this group, probably aren't that good. But Liz and I had fun. And we tried a new deliciously yummy pineapple martini.
Oh...and then ran into a dude I work with.

This song makes me lol...maybe I'll write my own song about ways to lose a man...

Lyrics -- One Hundred Easy Ways to Lose a Man

© Betty Comden and Adolph Green, music by Leonard Bernstein

RUTH

NOW THE FIRST WAY TO LOSE A MAN --

YOU'VE MET A CHARMING FELLOW AND YOU'RE OUT FOR A SPIN.
THE MOTOR FAILS AND HE JUST WEARS A HELPLESS GRIN,
DON'T BAT YOUR EYES AND SAY, "WHAT A ROMANTIC SPOT WE'RE IN."

Just get out, crawl under the car, tell him it's the gasket and fix it in two seconds flat with a bobby pin.

THAT'S A GOOD WAY TO LOSE A MAN.

HE TAKES YOU TO A BASEBALL GAME,
YOU SIT KNEE TO KNEE.
HE SAYS, "THE NEXT MAN UP AT BAT WILL BUNT, YOU'LL SEE."
DON'T SAY, "OOOH, WHAT'S A BUNT? THIS GAME'S TOO HARD FOR LITTLE ME."

Just say, "Bunt? Are you nuts?!! With no outs, two men on base, and a left-handed batter coming up, you'll walk right into a triple play just like it happened in the fifth game of the World Series in 1923."

THAT'S A SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN.

A SURE SURE SURE SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN,
A SPLENDID WAY TO LOSE A MAN.

JUST THROW YOUR KNOWLEDGE IN HIS FACE,
HE'LL NEVER TRY FOR SECOND BASE.
Ninety-eight ways to go.

THE THIRD WAY TO LOSE A MAN --
THE LIFE-GUARD AT THE BEACH THAT ALL THE GIRLIES ADORE
SWIMS BRAVELY OUT TO SAVE YOU THROUGH THE OCEAN'S ROAR,
DON'T SAY, "OH, THANKS, I WOULD HAVE DROWNED IN JUST ONE SECOND MORE."

Just push his head under water and yell, "Last one in is a rotten egg" and race him back to shore!

THAT'S A SWELL WAY TO LOSE A MAN.

YOU'VE FOUND YOUR PERFECT MATE AND IT'S BEEN LOVE FROM THE START.
HE WHISPERS, "YOU'RE THE ONE TO WHO I GIVE MY HEART."
DON'T SAY, "I LOVE YOU TOO, MY DEAR, LET'S NEVER NEVER PART."

Just say, "I'm afraid you've made a grammatical error -- it's not 'To who I give my heart,' it's 'To whom I give my heart'"-- You see, with the use of the preposition 'to,' 'who' becomes the indirect object, making the use of whom imperative which I can easily show you by drawing a simple chart" --

THAT'S A FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN.

A FINE FINE FINE FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN,
A DANDY WAY TO LOSE A MAN.

JUST BE MORE WELL-INFORMED THAN HE,
YOU'LL NEVER HEAR "O, PROMISE ME."

JUST SHOW HIM WHERE HIS GRAMMAR ERRS,
THEN MARK YOUR TOWELS 'HERS' AND 'HERS.'

YES, GIRLS, YOU TOO CAN LOSE YOUR MAN,
IF YOU WILL USE RUTH SHERWOOD'S PLAN:
ONE HUNDRED EASY WAYS TO LOSE A MAN!

Grammar captcha

I wish that I could use this captcha instead of the random letter one. Shanny found it, not me.
http://www.defectiveyeti.com/iacaptchas/

Random thoughts

1. I still have not named my puppy. We tried out The Dread Pirate Roberts (Westley) for a while, but I couldn't remember Westley. I think I may call him Puppy until Aimee comes home and then she can name him.

2. I've decided to expand my summer of yes (to everything but Dumb Boyfriends, Dino, and Dilapidated couches) to a School Year of Yes.

3. Puppy is cute.

4. I'm glad to go back to work.

5. Some things I've said yes to:
a. Hung out with Shanny in Denver. Pictures (with props) are to come
b. Went to a Sky Sox game with Liz

c. Had a BDay/Monk Season Premiere party with Melodie. There was cake, pin the wipe on Monk, pina coladas, pineapples, and Indian food. Can we say perfect night?

d. Was the Birthday Princess

e. Saw Mamma Mia
f. Got a puppy (duh)

g. Went back to work. Yay!
h. Hung out in Breckenridge with my family. It was so nice to do nothing for a week except play dominos and go to the pool. And eat delicious crepes.

i. Had a jewelry party and got lots of free stuff.
j. Went to Row 2's going away BBQ.

I need help naming my new puppy.

So far, the choices are:
1. Milton
2. Lieutenant Randy Disher
3. Captain Jack Sparrow
4. Bruce Springsteen
5. Heathcliff
6. Gus
7. Leonard
8. Sawyer

Things that make me happy

Here are a few of the things that make me happy:

1.Mr. Darcy. Or Pride and Prejudice period, book or movie, version.

2. Reading Wuthering Heights.

3. Puppies, kitties, or baby animals in general.

4. Bloody marys.
5. Google image search.
6. Summer.
7. Bruce Springsteen.

8. Making lists.
9. Youtube videos of Justin Timberlake and So You Think You Can Dance.
10. Joshua from So You Think You Can Dance.

11. Writing my book.
12. Grammar and big words.
13. Hot firemen named Simpson. Or any hot firemen. Or any firemen.

Third to last day of summer vacation

And I spent it working. But not any working. I spent the day at the US Senior Open working in a concession stand. I do not understand how I always seem to get myself in these sporting predicaments. But our department had fun goofing off together. And I got asked out 3 times (2 by some very old men and once by a not very old man. I did not extend my yes policy to any of them, as I had some of my students with me). And I made some tip money. Anyways, it's back to work on Monday. Hi-Ho.

Update on saying yes

I've realized that I like to do things!! These are the things I've "said yes" to lately:

• Going to Elitches with my mom and Aimee. Super fun, but also super sunburney.
• Going out with Melodie several times. I always feel better about life after I talk with Melodie. She's pretty much my rock and spiritual/life compass. She supports me no matter what. Our daughters will also be friends forever, which is such a blessing because Maya makes Aimee a better person. Plus, she's always there to make me biscuits when I need them and she knows how to laugh, especially when we see something!
• Went to a commitment ceremony for Shanny's friends
• Ate several lunches with my friends Amanda and Row. They are always always there for me no matter what. I don't know how I'd manage in this crazy world without them.
• Went out several times with Shanny, a very kind gentleman, my bff and heterosexual life partner. She always knows how to have fun, if we're just lying on the couch talking about grammar and trying to get drunk or staying up all night making barfing noises or critiquing dumb horror movies, or talking like English gentlemen for hours about philosophy...and stuff
• Went out for drinks and shuffleboard and a Scholastic Bookfair with Liz, a longtime friend who brings out the flirty, fun side to me. Who always is encouraging and upbeat.
• Went and listened to jazz in the park with my friend Kelley from grad school. We've bared our souls to each other. She has an amazing soul and she still likes me lol. And she has a beautiful new baby.
• Went to an annoying, high pressure sales pitch for World Mark by Windham, but got a lot of cool free stuff.
• Went and looked at houses with Becky, another friend from school who always has a smart word of advice and who can talk to me for hours about Jane Austen and my search for Mr. Darcy.
  

I guess being single really isn't as bad as I thought it'd be!!!

Everything (EVEN The Princess Bride) relates to Monk

Cary Elwes starred as Wesley in The Princess Bride and also as Dr. Clement in Psych:9 (which is the same name as the USA show Psych, which airs after Monk)



Tony Shaloub appeared as Dr. Chester Ray Banton in a 1995 X-Files titled Soft Light. Cary Elwes appeared as FBI Assistant Director Brad Follmer in the X-Files, though they never appeared in the same episode. Also in X-Files episodes were Gleanne Headly, Mrs. Stottlemeyer and Tim Bagley, Harold Krenshaw.



Tony Shloub starred as Ian in the tv show Stark Raving Mad.
Chris Sarandon, Prince Humperdink, guest appeared in several episodes as Cesar.




Mandy Patinkin's voice was Hippocrotes in the animated tv show Hercules. Also in Hercules was David Hyde Peirce who appeared in Fraiser and The Addams Family Values with Tony Shaloub.
Cary Elwes was also in Hercules.





Robin Wright Penn and Traylor Howard were both born in 1966.




Bitty Schram was in A League Of Their Own with Tom Hanks who was in Forest Gump with Robin Wright Penn.