Here goes....this year's slutty costumes!

Never has a drunk costume idea been so literal. But hey, at least it's top shelf tequila right?

We all knew Halloween was supposed to be scary, but slutty Sarah Palin? I think that has to be crossing some line.


Are you pregnant this Halloween? No longer are your costume choices limited to Britney or a pumpkin. Make the pope proud this year!

Or you could dress up like a slutty like kid. Pebbles was A CHILD right?

We've all heard the green M&M rumor. Who wants to see if this little number will have the same effect?

Count her spots. How old do you think she is?

Screw making the pope proud. Let's make God proud with this one.

Ummmm...pass the drugs?

Never ever. Ever.

A hot gardner. Who'd have thunk it. But I think the only gardner worth total hotness is Jess Metcalf.

Bad girl or good girl? Who needs to choose? Just make sure you have the boots too. Because we all know that all cops wear 'em. And if you really do get sent to jail...this is what you want to wear. To make sure you don't get....exclusive...with another prisoner.

God bless the queen. I pledge allegiance. Stand at honor.

Border patrol! Seriously! And this is supposed to DISCOURAGE illegal immigration?

I do not think that the wardrobe in Beauty and the Beast picked this one out.

And last but not least...no one likes it in the eye!

And also these

Don't play this in front of the kids...
http://womenbetrippin.com/sexy-for-Halloween/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4rUiV_Hh74

Slutty Halloween Costumes For Kids

As I research my annual rant, I find this...
http://www.newsweek.com/id/62474?GT1=10450

Godzilla Cricket

The other night I turned my light off to go to bed when I heard the loudest squeaking noise ever. It scared my dog so much he jumped off my bed and hid. I turned my light back on, and right next to my pretty pink lamp was a godzilla cricket.

I thought about killing it, but I too hate killing (and the crunch his huge body would make gave me shudders), so I too trapped him in a glass and slid a postcard underneath so I could release him back in to the wild. Now I am far too lazy to walk down the stairs of my apartment to reintegrate him into a bush, so I put the cup down outside my door so he could hop out and climb down the stairs himself with his giant cricket legs. The next morning when I was leaving, I walked out the door and tripped on his dead carcas. Apparantly he did not want to reintegrate. So much that he died instead. It was very sad.

Haha

I should not be allowed to blog in the middle of the night after I've taken my Ambien. You can thank this magical sleeping pill for my bizarre previous blog. So, in addition to apologizing for my ramblings, I would like to take this moment to share with you my thoughts on some books I've read during my summer vacation.

1. Become Your Own Match Maker- Patti Stanger-
This book took me like five seconds to read. It was mildly amusing. I heart the show, and the book was very much like the show. But I did walk away with some tips I may try.

2. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies-
All I have to say is please please do not read this book. It is probable the worst thing I have ever read. I had to read the real Pride and Prejudice afterwards to get this horrible book out of my mind

3. The Shoe Queen- Anna Davis-
This was a book I impulsively picked up at the library, mainly because it deals with shoes. It was however, a pretty good book. The characters were well developed. The plot was not that original or gripping (married woman has an affair and falls in love with another man), but I really did get to know the characters. I would recommend this one.
4. The Book of Jane- Anne Dayton-
Another impulse pick from the library. It turned out to be Christian chick lit. It was not the great American novel, but it kept me entertained and had a warm fuzzy message.

5. Brave New World- Aldous Huxley-
This is one of my favorite books ever. I love the thought provoking plot and ideas. Are we heading in this direction? Thoughts?

6. The Shack- William Young-
I read this book after a lot of convincing from my mom. I hated it. I hate kids dying. I understand the "message" of the book, but I could not get over the little girl dying.

Any suggestions for #7?

Also I want an iPhone.

Mini Men

It's very rare that most women need a man around the house. We can easily kill spiders, open jars, hookup the computer, move furniture, check the air in our tires, etc. Nut usually we let men take these feats as noble conquest won in the name of protecting their fair lady....or something.

So I've been thinking about what I need a man around the house for. I collaborated with Shanny, and we came up with the perfect idea. Mini fixing men. They are like wind up toys, except you don't have to wind them up. You order them from a catalog I have yet to create, and when they arrive, they go straight to work. Whence finished, they walk back to their box for proper storing until next time.

Until the catalog comes out, you will not know all of the specialties we have of little men helpers, but I will describe three of our products below:

1. HEALING MINI MAN- This fleet helps primarily in the shower or bath (not because they are pervs, but because he's a professional and know you are most relaxed in the shower. So it makes his job easier too). His mission in life, his ONLY mission, is to unhurt you wherever you hurt. See how small his mini healing hands are!!!!

2. MINI WARRIORS- Warriors hate most of our mini men and actively try to destroy them. No one has actually ever ordered a warrior fleet, they are just very sneaky and sneak in with other boxes. We have yet to learn how to defeat them, so if you have any suggestions, please please please let us know. There might be something shiny in it for you.

3. MINI MOTIVATION MAN- This team is set up into two groups. One group yells, and nags, andfollows you aruond...WHEREVER YOU GO...reminidng you about what you need to do. The other team talks to you until they can figure out why you are a procrastinator. Once they figure that you, you have found the motivation. However, just in case, our team will be wilth you until you finally get your lazy ass out of bed and do what you need to do. Then they will leave you alone.

g

More to come! Watch for our catalog MINI MEN to be out soon!

It's been a month

I know. In my defense, I was in the hospital and deathly sick. I am still waiting to recover :( More on that later though; I am sick of talking about it.

For now, I would just like to share my disappointment. I have been awaiting the release of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,
by Seth Grahame-Smith, much to the embarrassment of Becky and my mom. I thought it would be a hilarious blend of two of my favorite things, Jane Austen and Stephen King. And I've always been a fan of Jane Austen fan fiction.

However, fan fiction, this book is not. In normal (read *acceptable*) fan fiction, it is usually just an extension of the story, or a view of the same story from another character's eyes. This book tries to change Pride and Prejudice, by making England overrun by the unmentionables. If this were the only change, I could be ok with the book, because it is kind of funny to think of Elizabeth as a zombie slayer. The unforgivable offense comes in where the author decides to change who the characters are fundamentally. Here are some examples that spring to mind:

• Lady Catherine is the best zombie killer ever, and Elizabeth looks up to her. Part of what makes Elizabeth who she is, is the fact that she does not fall to the typical views of the day and admire people of stature simply for being born into wealth. Now I'm only 1/4 of the way in, but I cannot see how the P&P storyline can remain the same if Elizabeth is another Collinsesque Lady Catherine cronie.
• Mr. Bennet is a jerk to his wife. In the original, he may have made some underhanded sharp tonged comments, but in this rendition, he is embarrassingly rude.
• Same with Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy tolerates Caroline Bingley. In this book, he is a jerk to her. This perhaps is the most unforgivable offense, because MR DARCY (though proud and misguided) IS NOT A JERK.
  

I will let you know the final verdict whence I am done reading, but as of now, I am sad because I thought it would be so funny! (And it is, I just can't concentrate on the funniness becasue I am crying at Darcy's typical manness)

I hate mustard.

At Least I'm Not Dying Shoes

So, when Melodie was helping me move all of my junk, she packed up my shoes to go in my awesome new shoe closet and suggested, after I bored her with stories about them, that I highlight their awesomeness on my blog.

At Least I'm Not Dying Shoes
I bought this pair after I went to the doctor and found out I needed surgery again. Each time, she tells me to prepare for more surgery than we'd planned which scares me. So after my appointment, of course I went shoe shopping to cheer myself up. I wear them all the time because they make me happy, but the only pic I have of me wearing them, is of me, doing some line dancing, at Row's wedding.


Also, here are some other shoes I want to buy:

Today I'm thankful for: Not dying in the blizzard, awesome friends and family that help me move, and cupid.com

Very Unimportant Updates

1. I am getting an iPhone in 4 days.
This will make everyone happy because I will finally stop complaining about it. But then I won't have to play with everyone else's (TWSS!)

2. The iPhone has a "That's What She Said" application.

3. I move in to my new apartment in 13 days. I am excited for the kitchen, the closet, and the laundry room. I am not excited to move. Or to clean my old apartment.

4. My school has made it to the state playoffs. Or something. I'm actually getting in to sports.
Weird
.


5. I bought this shower curtain at Bed Bath and Beyond.
Is it sad that a shower curtain makes me happy? There's a whole set, which I want to buy eventually, but right now I could only afford the curtain and rings.


Today I am thankful for: Craft day with Shanny, my mom, and The Cheesecake Factory

Aimee's Birthday Pictures

Today I am thankful for: My beautiful daughter, Charli's foot getting out of the cast, and laser pointers.

Because I can't think of anything funny/witty to say

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Sleep much?

How much cash do you have on you?
Far too much for my own good


What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"
Bore

Favorite planet?
Pluto


Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Lemme check...cause THAT'S what'll prove I have no life...My mom. Nope. I was wrong. That'll prove it.

What is your favorite ring on your phone?
JT

what shirt are you wearing?
One that's almost like a blankie


Do you "label" yourself?
I wish I didn't, but just call me Labley McGee


Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
Icksnay on the oeshay

Bright or Dark Room?
Dark.


What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
I like her.


What were you doing at midnight last night?
The same thing I was doing at 6 p.m. last night...Sleeping.


What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"Good for you. Remember it's better for you to do right than be right." I'm so glad it was something smart and deep like this, leading you to believe I don't have random, one word texts about corn.

Where is your nearest 7-11?
On the corner


What's a word that you say a lot?
Sweet

Who told you he/she loved you last?
My mom. And I heart her too.

Last furry thing you touched?
That's what she said?

How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Cough syrup from the dr. Yay!


How many rolls of film do you need developed?
One actually, though I don't know what's on it.


Favorite age you have been so far?
The age I am now.

Your worst enemy?
Myself. And carbs.

What is your current desktop picture?
shoes of some sort

What was the last thing you said to someone?
Do your homework!

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Money fo sho


Do you like someone?
I like everyone


The last song you listened to?
Hahaha...no...some things are too personal


The current person you like, how long have you been interested in them?
Weird! I'm not interested in anyone. And kinda ok with that.

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Sadly


Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
Everyone who knows me basically :):)

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
D


Do you usually have weird dreams?
Yes, but I love em


Do you hate someone right now?
I do not want to be a hateful person


How long do you have until your birthday?
some months and a few days


Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Sad news


Has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
No never

Will the next person you kiss be the same person you last kissed?
No sir


Do you like cuddling?
Yes actually. Because I am a human being.


Whens the last time you held hands with someone?
It's been a while.

Do you tend to fall for players?
Sad news.


Do you want your tongue pierced?
Not at all

Last awkward moment?
Calling my ex to apologize for yelling at him, even though I still know I am right. I do not want to be the kind of person who yells.

How late did you stay up last night?
6

When is the last time you went to the mall?
It's been far too long

Do you know anyone who has been arrested?
Ya

How was your weekend?
I was sleeping most of it

What can't you wait for?
bedtime

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
drank some cough syrup?


Would you rather get up early​or sleep in?
Way sleep in!


What was the last movie you watched?
A Walk To Remember

Who is the last person that made you smile?
My brother

Does your ex hate you?
Probably

Are you in a good mood?
Faking it til I make it

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
Yes actually. I care a lot what people think of me.


Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex?
Dark

Last person you talked to on the phone?
bfffrff

What's worse?: liars or cheaters?
They all go on the island


Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Forgive

Are you a beach, country, or city person?
Hot

When you marry will you wear white?
Nope. Pink

What's wrong with you right now?
My stupid cough

Where were you at 2:02 PM?
Sleeping


Are you excited about anything?
I am excited about life...

Do you think that you’re a good person?
Yes

Do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
Loves her

Do you want someone back?
Just the best boyfriend ever.


Have you known any of your friends for your whole life?
Pretty much


Does anyone love you?
You betcha.


How has the week been?
Sleepy


Do you ever think about your most recent ex?
Less often than I used to


Have you ever had a Long Distance Relationship?
No sir

Do you believe in this saying; What goes around comes around?
I have to


Do you want to get married?
Def



And today I am thankful for: People praying for me, that my daughter is healthy and just ruined her ears

More things I am thankful for

• Having great friends in my life who will always be there for me no matter what
• getting my tax refund and being able to fix my car
• wii competitions with bfffrff
• having a job that will let me take time off when I am sick
• My ex husband sharing parenting responsibilities with me (just let me go with it...) so I can stay home and be sick by myself
• Shanny's boyfriend for treating her the way she finally deserves to be treated
• Applesauce
  

Enthusiasm

I think I am a pretty happy person, yet I find myself being overly negative far too often. Too many times, I am told that "I need to smile" by complete strangers. This bugs me, because, in my heart, I feel like I am happy, but I don't think I always portray happiness. So I am going to try an experiment. I am going to try to go a step above happy and be an enthusiastic person. I rarely show enthusiasm, and I don't know why. Shanny and I have a tv date to watch the cheesy show Kath and Kim.

Kath is always so enthusiastic and happy. I want to try to be more like that. So friends, please do not be annoyed with my new found enthusiasm and zest for life. Hopefully, after faking it long enough, it will become part of me, thus erasing the permeating negativity that affects my life.
I am also going to try to copy Becky's blog (http://lovejoyvitality.blogspot.com/) and try to list daily things for which I am thankful.

Today I am thankful for: thoughtful friends who post blogs I can copy, syzrup, and my dad knowing what my favorite ice cream flavor is

Saying No

I've been on this "say yes to everything and everyone" spree. While it makes for hilarious stories, I think it's starting to take me down. After analyzing my current "man related" funk with some good friends, I've decided that maybe putting myself around so many idiots, I've started thinking that I don't deserve better. So my new goal is to only put myself around men who validate me for being me. I need to realize that I am worth a good man. I have a lot to offer, and I do not need to settle for second best. So I am raising my standards. No more saying yes to every loser who asks if I want to hang out. As such, I'm revising my list. I used to think that I really shouldn't look for a man with all of those qualities, as that is kinda unrealistic. But I need to realize that I deserve a guy who provides me with what I need. I am committing to not settling. To knowing that I am so much better being single than wasting my time with a guy just for the validation of having a guy like me. So...here's my new standard for dating, understanding that I will revise it whenever I feel like.

1. He needs to ask me out at least a week in advance. I'm tired of the "do you wanna go out tomorrow night?" question. No I do not. I already have plans idiot.
2. He will have a definite plan. I saw a sign for the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" that said Hanging out IS NOT dating. So it's true. I will not be hanging out. I will be dating.

3. He will pay. I am all for women's rights and junk, but on the first few dates, he will pay.
4. Going along with number 3, he will come to my door, open the car door for me, open all other doors for me, and walk me to the door when the date is over.

5. He will not answer the phone or read a text. There could be some circumstances that would allow me to forgo this rule, but for the most part, the date is about us getting to know each other, not me realizing how popular he is.
6. After he's walked me to my door, he will not kiss me. I am going to quit kissing on the first date. I am worth a the wait.
7. He will tell me I look pretty. Because I do.
8. He will respond to my text telling him I had a good time when I text him the next day. Unless he is anti-text, in which case, there would be no second date for sho as we would obviously not be compatible.
9. He will call me within the three days after the date. And respond to my text telling him

Ok. I am sure there will be more, but not for now, because my Chinese food is here.